I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
