Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
