I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
