i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
