I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
