just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
