Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
