bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How's work?
Spinning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
