this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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