is your mom at the bar?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
