You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
