It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
