My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
