She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
