He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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