I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
