i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
