Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
