I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
