There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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