batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
