How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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