So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just forgot I was standing up.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
