he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
