Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
