my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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