My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
