no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
