your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
