Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
