If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
