ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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