Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
