i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
