so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
