I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
