remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
