Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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