mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
