I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
