I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
