Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
