M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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