So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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