First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
