1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
