If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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