DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
