I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
