Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
