I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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