So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
